So, i'm standing on my front porch this morning, vowing internally to vow to give up smoking once and for all, (gradually, of course) when it hits me: I do all of my pondering while i'm standing out there in my cheesy rubber shoe-dealies and my pyjamas, inhaling toxins. And i always seem to have these deep and silent revelations that dissapate as quickly as morning dew beneath a desert sun once i go back inside my apartment. I honestly wonder what all that is about, and whether or not it contributes to my general uselessness.
Anyhow, I started to record this incident as a result of one of those rapidly evaporating revelations and now i can't recall even a foggy wisp of what the hell i was doing it for. So, i will drift into the banality of my daily existence.
Today, for instance Michael and i slept in a bit, and then we read a book and watched one of his snuggy movies together, while i tried to accumulate all the things we'd need to get out the door properly. I had big plans to cover the two dollar and small change overdraft on my bloody bank account, then get some hot cocoa for snuggy and i from the coffeeshop where i am very rarely during the week, an employee.
After that, I dropped into the Umass Employment office to grab some paperwork and then it was off to the library to watch Snuggy run around with other kids and watch him try to get away with various things. He's just such a beautiful and vividly happy little person, and cheeky to boot. Sometimes i do wonder just what i've done to deserve this awesome little person in my life. I mean, hell, i do my part too, but sometimes i wonder if it's really only a reaction to his extreme awesomeness.
I've also been giving great deals of thought to all the painful remembrances from my past that keep drifting through my head randomly. Well, when i say painful, i should probably clarify that many memories cause me pain because I was the biggest asshole, or loser, or wanker, or choad, or idiot, or,,,, et. al ad nauseum. I mean, how much of my self image from certain parts of my past was real? What did others ACTUALLY see, and what was it that motivated what they said or did in relation to whatever persona i had it in my head that i was? Ahhhhh,, well, i'm not all that focused on the writing thing today, but hopefully i'll be more motivated about trying to catch some of the constantly arriving and departing trains of thought in my brain-station in the future?!
My apartment now smells like the delectable red-baron pizza that i just ovened up for myself and so Myah,, i'm done for now.