So, in the 27 years I've experienced this utterly consuming wonder of living, I have never once been able to express to you who I truly am, because when younger your rejection of any opinion other than your own truly frightened me into hiding anything that wouldn't quite fit.

This is my compassion, my explanation, my confession AND my absolution. From here on out, there won't be any more excuses between us.

I've been thinking lately, that since probably most of my life is already passed, and I'm going to be ekeing out a meagre subsistance for whatever remains of the rest of it, the least that I can do is try to share some of the information that I've collected for my trials and tribulations. My second goal is to enjoy my life to the fullest, so this means mostly reading, writing and eventually painting. *I do owe you one oil painting at the end of this year, as per our resolution agreement of early 2006, don't think that i have forgotten*

So, here is my gift to you: Ask me any question you like and it will be answered. This is a private blog, so only you, myself and of course, big brother will be able to read it. I have no interest in keeping my matters private, however, as there is nothing I have to hide, and whatever my life has been others would understand if they knew most of it.

The above photos were taken on a pilgrimmage that I made on my own one morning around 3:30 am to the mountains of Vermont. Only when ensconced in natural and majestic beauty do I feel that I am a part of the machinations of God's universe. The city, while interesting as a study of people, a collection of microcosms, usually makes me feel sick to the core of my soul. This is why I have chosen to settle in Worcester. It is mostly a city, without any of the undesirable side effects that most cities usually carry. I came here for college, and although I have discovered a great hatred for engineering in the common terms, I did discover a place that I could be happier than before.

After our discussion about not giving up vs. giving up I have decided to carry on as best as I can. Physical, mental, and sexual abuse over a lifetime have really made it impossible for me to have a "normal relationship" I just seem to pick people who aren't all that good for me,,, I have a deep and abiding loathing for children under my feet, which cancels any plans about having a family, and I have no extended family, or even immediate family with which to seek shelter, solace, or strength. I am a deeply religious person, intelligent and moral, and so seeing all the ignorance and hypocrisy inherant in organized religion precludes me from ever enjoying the organized religious communities, no matter which division. So, I will put my voice out in various media in order to bring some message of hope and love for this life for those out there who are like me.